A Slayers Tea Party
by SakuraNoChi
Summary: Filia has been having a rough time lately. Valgaav has been learning some bad things from Xellos. So Filia decides to invite everybody over for a little tea party, including Xellos. Oh revenge is sweet.
1. A Youngster's Mind

A Slayers Tea Party

By: SakuraNoChi

Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Slayers but I wish I did! I will continue this story if I get good feedback ^_^

Valgaav: It is not like your going to get any good feedback…

Me: *Steals Mace-Sama from Filia* (crash boing eep!)

Valgaav: @_@ Oww…

Me & Filia: Serves you right!

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It was a rampage at Filia's house. Diapers were flying everywhere in the child's room, the owner of these diapers just happened to be a baby Valgaav. He had locked his door, afraid that his mother would get angry of the mess he had made. Banging and screaming could be heard from the other side of his door. "VAL-HUNNY OPEN THE DOOR FOR MOMMY PLEASE!" his foster-mother screamed from the outside of his door. Valgaav responded with a "Ha! Mommy stoo-PaD!" Filia just happened to hear that response. She slammed down the door with her mace and took the rebellious boy over her knee and spanked his bare bottom.

"AHH! MOMMY SO EBIL!" the youngster screamed. His mother stared at him with anger in her eyes, and yet she was concerned for the young one. "Val-Hunny…Please don't do that again. It scares mommy." Val stared up at her and responded with "Ske-ree-ew you ma! Diapers suck!" he received another slap on his bottom after that response also. "Val! I want you to tell me who has been teaching you this language. NOW!" the furious Filia yelled. Valgaav began to cry and responded with "A person nwamed Xewos comes at night and he says that the only way you will love me is if I say that stwuff to you mwommy." "Xellos..." Filia mumbled under her breath angrily.

"Hey Valgaav how about we have a party? We can invite Lina and everyone! Including Xellos!" the dragon priestess said sarcastically. "YEH!! PARTAYYYY!" the young ancient dragon yelled. "I MUST GET READY! I GOT TO GET IN MY SPEE-CIAL OUTFIT!" Val ran out of the room and came back in a pink uniform with heart sunglasses. "YEAH! VAL IS PIMPIN!" he screamed. "VALGAAV! DON'T USE THAT WORD!" his foster-mother yelled back. "But Xewos says that good-boys are pimps." The little kid said. "Well tell Xellos he can go die die die!" the woman said with anger. "Xewos told me that good bwoys do this too" he picked up his dirty hand, which was covered in poop from his dirty diapers. And what do you know? The middle finger popped up.

"VAL! INTO YOUR ROOM! NOW!" Filia chased the foul mouth child into his room. Val slammed his door and locked it, again. All you could hear from the other side of the door was weird noises. Filia once again slammed his door down after repairing it from the first time. "Oh my god." The surprised woman said. What she saw before her was Val and he was watching the Teletubbies, the 18+ version. The little boy screamed when he saw his mother standing at the doorway. "This is the newest Tellitubbies video! Xewos bought it for me! He says that Teletubbies even say new phrases! Like UUUUHH UH UH and LALA oO yummy!" he was about to finish with his Teletubbie impressions but his mother slammed her mace on the televison, thus making it explode.

After that incident, Val wasn't aloud to go anywhere without his mother coming with. Filia was afraid something else was going to happen to Val, screwing up his mind even more. "Damn you Xellos, just you wait till our little tea party reunion…" the woman thought.

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So what did you think of my first fanfiction? Reviews our welcome. In the next chapter, Valgaav goes to the dentist to get his teeth cleaned for the big party. But someone is still causing some mischief. ^_^


	2. Everybody Loves Candy

A Slayers Tea Party

By: SakuraNoChi

Me: Since the first chapter received good reviews, I shall continue.

Valgaav: NO!!!!!

Me: Shut up -_- (turns Valgaav back into a baby)

Valgaav: GooGoo!

Filia and me: KAWAII!!!!

Note// I will try to make this chapter longer then the first. I'm really bad at writing long chapters O_o Sorry if I disappoint you.

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Chapter 2// Everybody Loves Candy 

It was a stormy night.

A dark figure loomed in the corner of Valgaav's room. Filia was fast asleep, due to that Valgaav had put a sleeping spell on her. The dark figure walked towards Valgaav and put its gloved hand out. In the demon's hand was a crapload of candy. Valgaav squealed with joy as he put his small hand out to grab the pile of candy. He was too slow though. The dark hand dropped the candy on to the floor. This magical candy just happened to multiply, and before you knew it, the whole room was covered in candy. Filia was nowhere to be seen. Valgaav began to scream in delight and he dove in to the candy. Devouring every piece.

**TWO HOURS LATER**

All of the candy that used to cover the room was gone. All that was left was a Filia who was still asleep, but covered in chocolate wrappers. A Valgaav who was bouncing off the walls singing a new song that "Xewos" taught him which went like this.

My nwame is Valgaav, Foshizzle!

I have a hworn on my head which decwares me horn-ee.

I wike to ride my tike with all my g-dawgs.

Including Gaav, who is a scary muffa fooger!

Even though it didn't rhyme, Valgaav was quite amused with it. About an hour later Filia woke up from the sleeping spell. She found Valgaav flying around in the room. She was about to tell him to come down and ask about the candy wrappers. But she didn't have to because Valgaav flew right into the ceiling fan. 

"Val-Hunny…Why are there candy wrappers everywhere?" she asked. "There are cand-DAY wrappers everywhere because Val made confetti for the par-TAY!" Val replied. "That's nice Val but we have to keep to the confetti in a safe spot, so we can surprise everyone, but right now we are late for your dentist appointment!" Filia said.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! THE DENTIST WILL EAT ME AND CHOP UP MY LIVER AND EAT MY PWOOP!" Val said with fear. "He will not, now hurry up and get in the shower you haven't had a bath in a week!" Filia lectured. Filia carried the kicking Val to the sink since he was too young for the real bath. Valgaav proceeded to scream as Filia washed his hair. "SHAMPOOP SWUCKS!" he yelled. "If you don't smell nice the dentist will eat your liver!" Filia said. Valgaav actually believed this so he let Filia proceed in washing him.

Filia and Valgaav walked outside and transformed into their dragon forms. They flew high in to the sky, but Val just had to start singing his rap. Right in front of his foster-mother too.

My nwame is Valgaav, Foshizzle!

I have a hworn on my head which decwares me horn-ee.

I wike to ride my tike with all my g-dawgs.

Including Gaav, who is a scary muffa fooger!

"Valgaav! Did Xellos teach you that too?!" the enraged dragon screamed. "Yup! And Xewos says that Gaav was a pwimp jwust wike me!" the ancient dragon yelled back. "I don't want you to ever sing that again Valgaav! And stay away from Xellos!" "But Xewos is my teacha!" The foster-mother and the foster-son got in to yet another fight. But before they could say anything else they were at the dentist.

Filia and Valgaav waited in the waiting room, which was a bad thing because Valgaav hated to wait. "I'M HUNGRY! THIS SWUCKS! I WANT A PWONY! THAT LITTLE GWIRL OVER THERE IS SCARING ME! I GOT TO PO—" before Val could finish his sentence a giant fart escaped his tiny bottom. This stopped everything in the building. People walked into the waiting room to see what that sound was. Having no idea it was a deadly fart. A woman walked in to the quiet room where everybody was staring at Valgaav. But the silence went to crying and coughing after they smelled Valgaav's deadly dragon fart. "Were ready for you Val- -*cough* Gaav" the woman said.

Val followed the woman into the scary room. There was metal everywhere, even the chair he sat in scared him. As soon as he sat down he began playing with all the buttons. "Ooooo! What dwoes this dooooo?!" Filia had to wait in the toxic waiting room because the room Valgaav was in was quite small and couldn't fit a lot of people. The woman told Valgaav to wait there, which was a really bad idea because Valgaav doesn't do that good alone. The little dragon-boy again saw the dark figure in the corner, but this time the figure revealed its whole body. It was no other then our favorite demon, Xellos.

Xellos walked up to Valgaav and he said "Hey Val-Kun , how is it going?" Valgaav looked up at Xellos and smiled really big, revealing his disgusting teeth, which were covered in plaque. "I guess its not going that well ne?" Xellos questioned. After that response, Valgaav began to scream "HURRY UP YOU *($^$)@#^ DENTWIST!! I WANT TO GET THE $(#&#$ OUT OF HERE! YOU AINT TWAKING MY LIVER!" The demon was surprised at Valgaav's language and he clapped. Valgaav once again smiled really big. But he closed his mouth once he heard running coming to his room. 

**5 MINUTES LATER**

Xellos had already disappeared and his presence was now replaced with dentists. "Open wide Sweetie." The dentist said. The ignorant dragon began to rotate his head constantly. Two more dentists had to come to the small room and hold his head still while the original one finally got Valgaav to open his mouth by holding a chocolate bar up to his face. "Okay Val now if you want this candy bar you hav—OH MY GOD!" the dentist saw Valgaav's teeth and was completely shocked. This was going to be a long appointment.

It took them 6 hours to clean the little dragon's teeth, and the amount of money Filia had to use on Val's teeth was a $750.00. Filia was angry because of Valgaav's actions and his lying to her about the candy wrappers. No one except Valgaav knew about Xellos following him and her home. 

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So what did you think? I tried to make this chapter long, so I hope you enjoyed it ^_^


	3. Grocery Shopping is NOT For Kids

A Slayers Tea Party

By: SakuraNoChi

Oh and if you are wondering how the Slayers World received all this technology stuff, lets just say The Lord Of Nightmares was feeling generous and POOF! There was technology. O_O;; Sorry for the writer's block, stupid hurricane made my power go out -_-;;

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Chapter 3// Grocery Shopping is NOT for Kids

Little Valgaav started to cry once he heard the words "Grocery Shopping". His mother told him to be quiet because everybody was staring at the little dragon as they walked through the village. Xellos was following them from behind, within Valgaav's shadow. He put some spell on Filia so she wouldn't find out that he was following them. Valgaav's cries turned to giggles as he heard Xellos making fart noises behind them. Filia turned around, afraid that some old pervert was following them, but she saw nothing. They walked into the grocery store and Valgaav once again had another mood swing.

"THIS SWUCKS! I HATE MY LIFE! I WANT CANDY! I WANT A BWABY BLOW POP!" Valgaav screamed. Filia was humming to some strange music, but when she heard the word "blow" escape Valgaav's mouth, another fight started. "VALGAAV!" Filia yelled. "WHAT?!?!?!" the little one responded. "DON'T SAY THAT WORD!""WHAT WORD?""YOU KNOW WHAT WORD!" The fight stopped instantly when Valgaav unleashed his moldy dragon fart again. This was a really bad fart because all the fruit in the shopping cart spoiled instantly. "MWOMMY I UNWEASHED A WATTLESNAKE!" the ancient one screamed with joy. Filia threw all the food into another woman's cart and walked away as if nothing happened.

When Valgaav finally found out how to unbuckle himself from his shopping cart a.k.a. jail cell, he flew off when his mother fighting with the butcher. He stopped at the candy isle and grabbed for a Kit Kat Bar, the last one. But right when he tried to grab it, another child's hand touched it. This child had red eyes, black hair in a messy ponytail and she looked about a year older then Valgaav. The little dragon decided that he needed this chocolate bar so he did his best to flirt with the girl to get it. "Your pwerdy." Valgaav said. "Thwank you" the petite girl said, but she didn't let go of the chocolate bar. When Valgaav's flirting didn't work out he decided to go to Plan B "Do you hwave a wattlesnake?" "No." "I DO!" then Valgaav unleashed another fart, right into the other poor girl's face. The ignorant dragon skipped off with his chocolate bar, and the little girl didn't look so good. Her hair stood up as if she had been hanging outside of a car window for 7 hours at 100 miles per hour. Poor girl.

Valgaav managed to get back in to the shopping cart, unnoticed. Filia walked back to the cart with a load of meat. "EWWWW!!!! I HATE LIVER!!!" Valgaav screamed as he realized the package his mother had been carrying was liver. "You need to eat to grow up big and strong." His mother said sternly. "I'AM STRONGGGG LIKE TARZAN!!!" Valgaav said this while proceeding to rip off his shirt with his bare hands. Filia grabbed his hands and placed them back next to his sides. The little dragon began to scream even more but when he saw Xellos appear right behind Filia he started to giggle. "WHATS SO FUNN-AHH!" Filia turned around and she was face to face with Xellos.

Xellos stood there, smiling like an idiot. Valgaav unbuckled himself and flew right next to him. Filia instantly grabbed her mace and hit Xellos with it. Xellos picked himself up from the ground and said "Oii! Filia that wasn't very nice." "THAT WAS NICE COMPARED TO WHAT YOU HAVE TAUGHT VALGAAV!" Filia screamed. After Filia was done talking Valgaav started to say "MWOMMY IS A WEINERRRR! MOMMY IS A BIG WEINER HEAD! HOTDOG WEINER! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Xellos was trying to hide his laughs from this by covering his mouth but he just had to let it go. 

"BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!" the demon proceeded to laugh as Filia proceeded to kick him. Valgaav couldn't stop saying weiner and you could say it was a living Hell in there. The little girl that Valgaav had farted on walked up to Filia, and she said "Miss, your swon fwarted on me! WOOK WHAT HE DWID TO MY HAIR!" Filia began to start cackling by looking at the little one's hair. There was a demon and a dragon rolling around on the floor laughing their butts off and Valgaav was the only one who was being mature, until he let another fart in the little girl's face. This blew the whole roof off the grocery store. There was nothing left except a little Valgaav who stood there and cried. The poor boy had diarrhea.

Xellos had disappeared and Filia was trying to find a toilet for Valgaav. The former-dragon priestess looked everywhere for a restroom before she just let Valgaav take a dump in the forest. Filia waited outside of the forest because Valgaav convinced her that he was a big boy and he could "shee-ot" on his own. His foster-mother actually agreed to let him go alone so she waited. And waited. And waited. She finally decided to go into the forest and check on Valgaav.

Filia finally found Valgaav but he was doing something totally obscene. Imagine a naked Valgaav crawling up a tree singing "Born to Be Wild" with heart sunglasses. Too make it worse there were campers right under the tree that Valgaav was standing on. The little dragon was about to crap on their tent from 60 feet above. Filia blocked Valgaav's waste from hitting the tent but it hit her instead. "VALGAAV!! YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE YOUNG MAN!" the enraged dragon screamed. "HEADIN' FOR THE HIGHWAYYYY!!! OHHH YESH!! VALGAAV IS A SHEXSHY DWAGON!" the little dragon let yet another crap fall on to a squirrel. The squirrel died, instantly.

Filia flew up to Valgaav and grabbed the rebellious dragon. She carried the screaming Valgaav all the way back to her pottery shop. Screaming and pottery hitting the walls could be heard. Valgaav was throwing the pottery, which was pissing Filia off even more. It was going to be a long night.

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So what did you think? I swear I will make the tea party in the next chapter. I hope O_O;;


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